100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do

I heard an interview with the author of this article on Talk Of The Nation today, and–aside from the fact that he was intentionally playing dumb to the callers and their questions–it was deeply refreshing to hear someone discussing the dos and don'ts of the service industry.

A friend recently set their Facebook status to "Is customer service dead?" and in my mind I screamed a disheartened "YES!". It made me think of a talk I attended on the future of marketing, and the title of one segment was "Customer Service Is The New Marketing", and I could not have agreed more.

Nothing makes me more loyal to a brand than a positive, friendly experience with whomever I must deal with in the process of acquiring their product. Even if I'm not satisfied with my purchase, a helpful, gracious service representative can go a long way towards keeping me coming back to that brand.

Why companies don't invest more in assuring a positive customer experience is beyond me. It's as simple as the sales clerk thanking me for my business, but even that has somehow been turned on its head. I am the one, sadly, who says "Thank you" these days, as if allowing me to hand over my money is somehow a favor they've done for me. I could honestly go on and on about this topic, but this is already running a bit long. Maybe I need to start a new blog covering the dos and don'ts of customer service. Hmm...

In the meantime, read the list. Here are few that I liked:

3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.
5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.
6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.
50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.

The End Of The Conchords?

When asked whether or not a third season of FOTC will happen, Jemaine Clement said, "It very likely might not." Apparently, it's too much work. Lazy, fucking New Zealanders! Click here to read more.

The Only Living Boy In LA

My brother Connor sent me this article from The New York Times about 'my boy' Julian Casablancas. Apparently he's living in Los Angeles now and (surprise, surprise) quite enjoying his new California state-of-mind.

"It’s fun; I won’t lie. L.A.’s kind of, like, seven really cool towns. It’s so laid-back. If you go in the right spot, you can walk around, and you don’t need a car. It’s a lot easier to eat healthy. And the weather!”

Sorry, New York. I think we'll keep this one.

We All Live In A Yellow Scubacraft

I think we might see this in the next James Bond installment. This Scubacraft is capable of acting as both a surface watercraft and a submersible. It travels up to 50 mph above water, and has a depth of 100 feet. Obviously you'll need to be wearing scuba gear for the underwater experience, as it is not an enclosed, pressurized submarine. The price is estimated to be somewhere around $164,000. Perfect for all you last-minute Christmas shoppers out there.

The Terrifying World Of Regretsy

My sister Christine brought this frightening and strange website to my attention. It's basically just a collection of the worst and most random things one can find on the Etsy website ("your place to buy and sell all things handmade"). I picked a few of the more amusing and sexualized examples and posted them above, but there are so many more where this came from...so many more sick and twisted, back-woods, incest-rape, type stuff. A cold shiver just ran through me thinking of the deranged people who sit in their cabin in the woods with their mummified mother in a trunk under the bed making these and posting them on Etsy in a last ditch effort to find normalcy and any kind of human connection. I'm going to go take a shower and then wrap myself in three blankets and get in bed and try to forget I ever peered into this dark, sad world.

Doin' Work

Last night my trainer Taz took me outside to run parachute sprints on the Embarcadero. After an hour I was getting a bit weak in the legs, but a girl stopped and asked if she could take a picture. I, of course, obliged her and am glad I did. She emailed me the pic above. Looks pretty...pretty good. Fortunately you can't make out the pain and exhaustion in my face.

Peter Gabriel To Cover Lots Of Good Songs

Well this looks promising. Peter Gabriel is going to release an orchestral covers album in the Spring of 2010 titled Scratch My Back. The name is a reference to the idea that he will cover artists' songs and they will in turn cover his songs. Here's a list of the songs Mr. Gabriel is set to cover:

Heroes – David Bowie
Street Spirit Fade Out – Radiohead
The Book Of Love – Magnetic Fields
Flume – Bon Iver
My Body Is A Cage – Arcade Fire
Listening Wind – Talking Heads
I Think Its Going to Rain Today – Randy Newman
Après Moi – Regina Spektor or Eartha Kitt
Waterloo Sunset – The Kinks
The Boy In The Bubble – Paul Simon
The Power Of The Heart – Lou Reed
Philadelphia – Neil Young
Mirrorball – Elbow

The Return Of Pac Man

Video games these days are just waaaay too advanced. I pretty much hit my mental plateau of comprehending the intricacies of these complex video games around 1992 with Sega Genesis.

Now a days these games have headsets that connect you live with people all over the world and controllers that have 12 buttons. Even the commercials for these games confuse me. I sometimes think it's a movie preview or a live sports event. Not to mention the fact that the amount of time wasted playing a game with no real-life consequence is completely absurd to me.

But I digress...here we have a very simple thing: Pac Man. An oldy but a goody. A classic. You just plug in this all-in-one contraption to your TV and you're good to go. And at forty bucks, you can't go wrong. Simplify people. Simplify.

Wild Thing...I Think I Love You

Even though the movie didn't really totally blow me away, I still and will always cherish the book from my childhood that I loved more than any other, and must say the T-shirt above is something I would want if it weren't so damned trendy. Urban Outfitters is selling it and other Where The Wild Things Are inspired T-shirts and toys through the end of the month (only three more days!!). Click here to see more.

Yes Please

In my search for a gluten-free pumpkin pie recipe, I stumbled upon these decadent-looking delights. They're sort of like an Oreo, with the outside based on a brownie and the filling based on an Oreo's inside. YUM. Click here for the recipe. I can't wait to try these out!

And I'm still looking for that gluten-free pumpkin pie recipe, so let me know if you have a good one.

Vice Squad

You know you’ve hit the nail on the head when you make every other girl in the room feel like your mom.

Fail Of The Day

The New Beanbag

The foam chair stands as a cube, and forms into an arm chair when you sit on it. Not the coolest looking thing ever, but I like the concept and think it could be used in any number of ways. Click here for more.

Julian Casablancas - "Glass"

As my brother Connor would say, I'm living for this song right now.

Vampire Weekend - "Cousins"

Here's the second song to be released from Vampire Weekend's upcoming second album Contra. Both this and the first single "Horchata" definitely keep the sound the band developed on their first album, but I haven't quite fallen in love with either track. When I saw them live last spring they played a new song (the name of which I cannot remember) that was really amazing, so I'm still waiting to hear that track properly recorded. Either way, the sound is fun and upbeat and I'm sure the second album will be just that.

Stella McCartney For GapKids

Well, aside from the fact that Gap is my employer, I must say Stella McCartney for GapKids and babyGap is completely amazing, from the clothes to the marketing. I kind of wish they had the same pieces for adult, and I'm loving the child models and all the little creatures with them. The line hits stores November 2 and includes sizes for newborns up through 12-year olds and ranges in price from $14 for wool tights up to $128 for a military jacket. To read more, click here for the New York Magazine piece and here for the WWD piece.

It Doesn't Matter If You're Black Or White

In case you're still looking for a Halloween costume, Japan's top rubber mask maker Ogawa Rubber has created these (in both shades of Michael) just in time for trick or treating.

100% Viking Beefcake

Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings. If you haven't seen the ultra-slow-mo commercial of him sprinting without his shirt on, click here and watch it. I swear, this guy is zero percent body fat.

Virgin Allowing Free Access For The Holidays

Virgin Airlines, that is. Just another reason Virgin America is so fantastic. To spread a little extra holiday cheer, they're giving away their in-flight wi-fi access–normaly around $12 per flight–for free from November 10, 2009 through January 15, 2010. I've never enjoyed a flight as much as my last flight on Virgin, and this only improves my opinion of them. Now if they'd just add a hub in Minneapolis/St. Paul, I'd be set to fly home for the holidays in comfort.

Bon Iver Live

Click here to listen to a stream of Bon Iver's final concert....for a while.

Just relax, it's the same type of break every band takes after touring for an album for months on end. All you fools questioning if this is the end of Bon Iver are bored losers who should have your internet connection revoked until you learn to calm the fuck down.

Fail Of The Day

Vice Squad

She’s aiming at “grunge goes to college” but it’s coming off more like the cover artwork of a porno VHS where schoolgirls have to drink the jizz of hairy Germans out of a martini glass.

Julian Casablancas - "River of Brakelights"

If you can't wait until November 3 (me) for the solo album from Julian Casablancas, Phrazes For The Young, have a listen here to a song from the album titled "River of Brakelights". You can also listen to the previously released "11th Dimension" here, if you haven't heard it already.

Super Slim Speakers

These just look cool. 31 mm slim speakers–and they're not even expensive. The amp is around $267 and the speakers are around $223. Of course, like all good technology, they're only available in Japan, with a white version coming out in November.

Congratulations

That is the title, apparently, to MGMT's next album, due out sometime next year. Kind of a great title, actually. It's also the title to a new song from the forthcoming album, which you can listen to by watching the video above. To hear more new songs from them, click here to listen to "It's Working" and here to listen to "Song for Dan Treacy".